Wanna join my book club? I have wine.

Deb at Home Life Simplified told me I have to share with the world my list of favourite books for Listmania this week. And I have to do what Deb says. She's the boss of all things listy.

When I was a kid, all those many, many, many years ago, I loved reading. Apparently, I was so into books I began to read before kindergarten. It's true. I was so driven to know what the real words were that when a story was read to me a few times, and I had committed it to memory. I knew that each little squiggle group was a word separated by a gap. These words related to the picture. Yes, I was a smart-ass.

I had so many favourite books as a kid. I would read all the time. Flat Stanley used to freak me out, but I'd read it and reread it all the time. Monty Mouse was a 'photo' picture story book I would always borrow from the school library. I was in denial for a very long time that little Monty Mouse was not a 'live' mouse at the time of his photo shoot.

As I got older, Enid Blyton books became a favourite. They were so girly. I would read them while lying on my bed in my Collingwood football jumper with roller skates on. The Naughtiest Girl in the School was a big favourite. She wasn't even naughty. She was olden days British private school girl naughty. I was a nerd and a goody twoshoes at school and lived my delicate rebellion through the character in this book. Shall we be rather naughty? Headmistress may spank us. Oh, let's!

I would read anything Roald Dahl. Kiss Kiss was my favourite as it had stories of grossness. I was that kind of kid. A closet rebellious girly girl who could kick a footy as far as the boys and had a taste for the macabre, horrific and gross. 

I would read anything Judy Blume and from the Sweet Valley High series. As I got older, all things Steven King. The Wave was a scary, realistic story of a class experiment in mob mentality/hysteria. It was also one of the elusive few designated books for school that I enjoyed reading. Others were Playing Beattie Bow and The Harp in the South, both by Ruth Park.

My tastes in literature morphed over the years from horror and girly romance to sadder stories, autobiographies of people experiencing hardships and to self-help books. I've thrown in Brighton Beach Memoirs as well, as I think it is one of the funniest plays I've read. 

Two books I highly recommend for anyone with a baby, having a baby or even thinking about having a baby: Safe Baby Pregnancy Tips and Safe Baby Handling Tips, by David and Kelly Sopp. Sound, practical advice.

I'm also a big Twilight fan. Yes. That's right. I love Twilight. I am also Team Edward all the way. And yes, I'm in my 40s. I also liked the Fifty Shades of Grey books. So what.

In between nappies, big kid dramas, pet dramas and Wondertwin dramas, I'm slowly reading Feral Bells by an awesome blogger, journalist and mum, Peta-Jo. It's Aussie, it's relatable, it's bloody funny.

And I can't wait for Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures to arrive in the mail ANY DAY! 

Yep, very highbrow reading. I don't have the time or patience to devour a Bronte or a Dickens or even a J.K. Rowlings. But the dog-ear bends and scuffed spines of the books I have listed show just how much I love these books. Happy reading!

Listmania 1

Ok, so I'm a bit slow on the uptake. I'm the first to admit it. I have just decided to join in with Home Life Simplified 'Listmania' which started a couple of weeks ago. But, hey, better late than never. Listmania is a weekly list-making exercise to let you know the real 'me'. I thought this might be a good way for me to actually learn a bit about myself and trip down amnesia lane. Here goes...

Currently I am:

Reading

I don't often get time to read. When I do, it's typically a Dr Suess book to the Wondertwins. At the moment, it's P.D Eastman's "Go Dog, Go". And when I say 'at the moment', I mean for the last 23 months. One can never get enough of brown dogs driving around and around in cars.

Surprisingly, you've caught me reading a book that has more than 200 words in it. I'm reading John Marsden's 'Tomorrow, When The War Began', not so much for my pleasure but to be one step ahead of my 13 year old son who will be studying it this term. 


Listening to
Hi5. And when the tiny tots aren't in the car, Foo Fighters 'Wasting Light' and Adele's '21'. Unfortunately, I'm not often in the car without the Hi5 fanclub. It used to be the Wiggles, but since Sam Wiggle was given the boot I will not allow them to be played. Not on my watch.


Laughing at
My kids. Hysterically. Actually, they are the funniest, most entertainingly frustrating creatures I know. They are better than anything on tv. I often have to stifle my laughter at 3 and a half year old Lily, who regularly tells me to sit on the naughty step and calls her Dad 'a idiot'. 


Swooning over

Mmm. Thank you flickr.com

I've had a look-see at other people's lists and found that many Listmaniacs are swooning over their husbands or partners. I would never have thought of that! But, um, of course, I swoon over my husband Tim. But there are many other people and things that I consider swoonworthy. Taylor Kinney from Chicago Fire & Vampire Diaries is one. Passionfruit gelati is another. Mmmm.


Planning
I plan to do a lot of things, I just don't know how to do them. I plan to finish my Masters Degree in Deaf Education. I'm half way through. I plan to study audiology. I plan to lose a lot of weight. 


Eating lots of
This is where I go horribly wrong. I eat lots of everything. I'm a foodaholic. But from today, and with the help of a supportive doctor, I have started to walk the path of a healthier lifestyle. I plan to eat lots of green things, and things that grow on trees and are not deep fried or wrapped in bacon. Fingers crossed.


Feeling
I've been on such a rollercoaster. In the spirit of listing I would say

• anxious
• self conscious
• tired
• out of control
• weak
• appreciative
• loved

Discovering
I'm discovering a joy of watching my children's milestones and firsts. I can't remember much of Campbell (13) and Ella (11) as babies. I struggled with PND and psychosis and was full to the brim with a sleepy cocktail of medication back then. But I am loving watching 9 month old Baby Scarlett discover the world and my 3 and a half year old twins discover their boundaries.


Looking at
I'm forever looking at the complete chaos that is my house. It disturbs me. It bothers me. And yet, it stays. I turn and I'm looking at another masterpiece of wall art drawn by my twins. I love looking at their angelic faces as they sleep.


Wearing
At the moment, I'm ready for bed in my ever so glamorous t shirt and pyjama pants. I have a towel around my head, a stud in my tragus and a cat in my lap. I sound so feral in writing.

Banoffee Pie on Pinterest

Cooking
I'm not a good cook. But I do have plans (aahh, plans, should have adding this to my list) of making a 'Banoffee Pie'. I'm a bit addicted to Jamie Oliver at the moment and I'm determined to prepare one of his 30 minute meals in under 90 minutes.


Wondering
I'm wondering where we could go on a holiday with 5 kids. I'd love to go to Canada or the UK, but I'm seriously wondering if I've got the guts to take them all on a plane for that long.


Trying out
I'm trying out a new 'diet' pill/appetite suppressant under the watchful eyes of my doctor and a psychologist. It's not new new, but it's new to me. We'll see how that goes.

Well, there you have it. My Listmania list. Stay tuned. There will be more to come.

29 Days & Counting

It is Day 11 of school holidays and I'm ready to return to full time work in another country, another time zone with no phone/email/smoke signal distance from the hatchlings. Not that I'm counting the days. But I am.

School finished four days before Christmas, and from the moment the school bell rang and Ella exited the school, I was faced with an 11 year old saying she would be soooooo bored if she didn't have anyone to be with. "I'm someone to be with," I had said. "Nooooo. I mean a real person. Someone fun. Someone interesting."

Oh.

Being the imaginary, boring and dull parent that I am, and remembering the state of my house that resembled a hard-rubbish collection that was not fit for human or rodent, I had said 'No' to entertaining extras that day. Ella explained to her friend standing with her that I 'don't try' to keep the house clean (Hello - in earshot) and that it makes me 'feel uncomfortable' (still here, listening) when people come over and I haven't tidied. Her friend turned to me and said, "That's ok, really. I don't mind if you have a dirty house. You have too many children to keep it clean." 

Ok, 1: It's not dirty, per se, it's untidy. Distinct difference.
      2: I don't have too many children, per se, I have five
          overindulged children who need to pull their heads 
          from their bums and help out more.
and c: I don't care. You're not coming over. Period. 

I know of families with one child who have a housekeeper or a cleaner who comes in once a week. I'd love that, but I'd be more stressed the day before he or she came, desperately cleaning the house from top to bottom so he or she wouldn't thinking we're pigs. Yesterday, a good friend came over and caught me by surprise when he walked in, stepping carefully over the toys, dress-ups, bits of toast, pencils and playdough to get to my kitchen. I accept full responsibility for my kitchen's condition. All I could do was hold my hands to my head, anxiety fluttering in my chest, and hope - no prayed - that he wouldn't need the bathroom. My husband, Tim, recognised the panic in me, and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. This will take me weeks to get over. Pathetic - I know, but that's me.

Being the imaginary, boring and dull parent that I am, I was told again today that it was soooo boring here, with nothing to do and nobody to do something with. Ella slumped over the table and sighed, "You don't know how boring the school holidays can be, Mum." 

Holy shit. This is going to be a very long five weeks. 

29 days to go...


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Pressure

The pressures and stresses of this time of year can be extraordinarily hard to cope with. I'm not talking about Christmas this time, but the nerve-racking period Year 12 students from around Australia experience each year waiting for their results to appear in the mail. I don't actually remember the intense pressure of sitting my final exams, knowing that these results could mean my future. I've probably blocked it out. I didn't really know what I wanted to do beyond High School. I knew it would be some kind of teaching. Back in the late 1980's, anyone could be accepted into a teaching degree. You didn't need exceptional grades and in some cases it was a second or third choice for many students who didn't get their first or second university preference in Law or Accounting. 

But in recent years, it seems that so much emphasis is placed on excellent results. Don't get me wrong - I think it's a wonderful thing that to be accepted into a university degree in education you need to be able to demonstrate a very high level of skill - but there are still some students, and families, that place so much anxiety and importance on producing the perfect result. 

Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, a passionate child and adolescent psychologist, writes about surviving end of year results. I've always told my students - this is not the be-all end-all. There are options. There are other pathways to get where you want.

Recently, I've been stunned by the pressure my little 11 year old, Ella, has been under as Year 5 comes to a close. The school had encouraged the 5ers to apply for senior school leadership positions. Ella does not need encouragement for these sort of things. As soon as she heard of the positions, she set about writing drafts, rewriting, editing, recording, rewriting again, her formal application and speeches for School Captain and House Captain. I wish she could show this kind of tenacity in helping out around the house. She's a driven, ambitious girl and I admire her determination and courage. 

Her application submitted, her speech delivered, her wait began. Every day we had to hear of how exciting it would be to get a captain role and how her friends say she'll get one for sure. The girls threw these comments to each other daily - Oh my God, you'll soooo get captain for sure. Oh my God, no! You're so there! There were 5 positions for girls up for grabs and practically every Year 5 girl going for them. Someone - no, most of them - will miss out. Some will be disappointed and will have a very sudden lesson in resilience. To help the kids who missed out, roles have been created so that every Year 6 will have a special responsibility. No one will lose. So much like real life.  

My Ella-Bella

Sleepless nights and tummy aches past, the school announced the leadership positions yesterday. I had a nervous day wondering what kind of child will return home from school. I had worded her up in the morning before she left, trying desperately not to get her hopes up and to also be confident in herself. To accept defeat with maturity and integrity. To accept success with modesty and humility. To take deep breathes. This is Year 5. I'm hoping by the time she reaches the end of her secondary school years she has developed the resilience and skills to cope with these anxieties. I know I still haven't.

Well done, Ella. I'm very proud of you.


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