You mean I have to work to earn money?

When I was in primary school, all the girls (and the occasional boy) wanted to be hairdressers or air hostesses when they grew up. I wanted to be a hairdresser and to be the first girl to play for the Collingwood Football team. In high school, I saw myself as a psychiatrist, a librarian or a drama teacher.

I became none of those.

As I told you in my first blog, my year 12 English teacher told me I would be nothing more than a housewife. Sure, I'm a housewife now, but I'm more than 'just a housewife'. We all are.

My first job was for the local pharmacy delivering medicines to people's homes after school. I would ride my bike around the suburb through strong winds and hail, the scorching heat and the freezing cold. I hated it. At 15, I then worked in the pharmacy helping customers. Mums would come in and ask me where the S26 was. What the hell was S26? My boss was a nasty sour old lady who rarely smiled and scared the life out of me. I only lasted a couple of months.

I picked up a weekend job at a garden centre during my later high school years. We checkout chicks had the best time. I was there for 2 years and the only thing I didn't like about the job was having my nose full of black snot from the dirt and dust at the end of the day. 

After high school, I tried to get into a drama and literature teaching course. I wasn't successful. I took a year off before trying uni again and worked for a newsagent, until I realised how unsuited I was to customer service. I spent the rest of the year, to my Mum's delight, on unemployment benefits, going to nightclubs and sleeping until 2 in the afternoon.

My shitbox was red, with the inner roof
cloth sagging down and puddles at your feet.
And the kids complained..?

I began my primary teaching degree the following year, and did an extra year in special education with a focus on hearing impairment. While studying, I was babysitting for a few wealthy families - one lot of children refused to get in my 'ugly old' car to get to school. I stopped babysitting when I couldn't find the two boys I was caring for during a storm. They were climbing across the roof and I was climbing up the walls. Their parents simply told me, "Yeah, they do that sometimes. Cheeky monkeys." Okey doke...

After graduating, I worked as a prep teacher in a regular primary school (so much fun) and in a few schools for the deaf in Melbourne and country Victoria. I have travelled hundreds of kilometres to get from one remote school to the next as a visiting teacher for students who are hearing impaired. I loved, with a passion, being a visiting teacher. Then I had kids. That stopped that - for a while, anyway. Ironically, my daughter was diagnosed with a hearing loss.

Deafblind signing

When my first two children were quite young, I worked in respite, providing support for people living with deafblindness. What an amazing experience that was! I then went on to coordinate the respite program - until being a working mum proved to be too bloody hard. I managed to pick up a short term job with the Multiple Sclerosis Society, promoting awareness of MS and of the MS Readathon in schools.

Eventually, when the kids were both at primary school I returned to work as a visiting teacher, supporting hearing impaired kids in mainstream kindergartens, primary and secondary schools. I managed to squeeze in a Master's Degree in there as well (well half of one) until the twins interrupted that idea. Because I was so bored with four kids (yeah, right) and because I had so much time on my hands (of course) I hung out at a kindergarten helping a little three year old friend who needed Auslan and language support. So cool.

When that was finished, and I could loiter around playgroups with my Wondertwins, a friend and I decided to embark on a business of our own. Both of us were teachers, both doing our Master's Degree in something, and both lamenting how hard it is to keep our skills up with rugrats under our feet. We began a language intervention playgroup for preschool children. Most of these children were from Sudan and many others families had English as their second language. The Wondertwins could join in, too. Sweet! 

Oops. Pregnant again.

And here my employment journey comes to an abrupt end. Again.

Now with five kids aged 13, 11, 3, 3 and 9 months, I wonder if I will ever enter the workforce of adult conversation, regular lunch breaks, a time to clock on and off, and be known again as Mrs M, or Lisa, instead of Mmmuuuuuuummmm!!!!

Thanks again Home Life Simplified for another great Listmania treat. 

How rude am I?

Three posts and I haven't introduced myself properly. How rude.

Imagine a 30 year old, svelte brunette with deep green eyes and perfect skin who loves to cook, visits the gym every day and finds housework rewarding.

That's not me.

Not a total lie though. I am a brunette.

I'm a 41 year old mum of five who's let herself go beyond letting herself go, uses Pro Active and visits the fridge every day. I find housework impractical.

Oooh...so close.

In a life that seems sooooo long ago, I was a teacher. I loved being a Visiting Teacher of the Deaf, ironically becoming one before I had a daughter who was diagnosed with a moderate hearing loss. I loved teaching in country Victoria and I loved teaching in the 'burbs. I think I'm over teaching, though. My kids have put me off kids in general, particularly being around them all day. And a school won't pay me to hide in the laundry and drink wine. Not these days.

I'm half way through a Masters degree in Deaf Education. The twins interrupted that idea. I promised myself I would complete it, but now I feel drawn towards audiology instead. I'll need an income to support my husband in supporting our four girls with expensive tastes, so looking into other people's ears seems an appealing option.

I have depression. 

This blog is a way of escaping the repetitive and emotional drainings of psycho-therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, counselling, etc, that I have had in the last 12 years. I haven't been well in the past (I have a certificate to prove it) and I'm probably still not that well in the present, but I'm here, and I'm writing about my days with hope that laughter really is the best medicine. And hopefully you'll get a buzz knowing that your kids aren't nearly as crazy as mine. 

My 12 year old soft-centred first born is Campbell. The poor lad is surrounded by oestrogen and pink. I worry about him a lot because looking at him is like looking in a mirror emotionally. I worry about him because I sometimes feel I have broken him. 

Campbell

He hates school with a passion and loves scootering with just as much passion. 

He cries more than the average 3 year old.

Spunk.

Ella

Ella is my smart dumb kid, or my dumb smart kid. Either way, she blows me away with her maturity, wisdom and creativity just as much as she scares me with her sometimes strange and out of context comments. Ella's 11, hearing impaired and a brilliant artist. 

I think so anyway.

Grace & Lily. Butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.

Grace and Lily are feisty 3 year old, believe it or not, identical twin girls. They are not 3 months apart as someone once asked me. Don't get me started on epigenetics (the study of heritable changes that occur without a change in the DNA sequence, thank you dictionary.com) because you won't win and you'll be bored in the process. 

They are, at the moment, very very hard work, very very entertaining and very very cute. 

Baby Scarlett

Lucky last, and I mean last, is baby Scarlett. She's only 5 months old but I can tell she's picking up tips from her older siblings who will have a lot to answer for. She's gonna be one hell of a tough kid growing up in a zoo like ours. I love her to death.

Tim

I am married to the biggest kid of all, Tim, who works so hard I barely see him. I must be doing something right because he's still here after all these years. However if he learns to cook for himself I might not see him again. Until then, I think I'm safe. You can't teach an old dog new tricks can you?

Oops, sorry - that's Joshua Jackson.

But if you sorta squint your eyes...

This is my Timbo.

Find me on Facebook
Vote for me on Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms 2013