Very Superstitious

I have never thought of myself as overly superstitious. Sure, I don't walk under ladders and hate the thought of breaking a mirror, but that's mainly because I don't want to clean that shit up. But recently I've noticed how many other little superstitious hogs wallop treats my kids have picked up by none other than me.

Lily and Grace like to jump hard on cracks in the pavement because they want to see if my back will break - "Is it broken yet Mummy? No? Jump harder Gracie. Harder."

Ella wants to know over which shoulder to throw salt if she knocks the shaker over on the table (it's the left shoulder, by the way, because the devil will only attack from the rear coz he's a coward and the left side of a person is known as the sinister side). Huh? My Mum taught me that one.

And did you know that if you do find yourself walking under a ladder, there a couple of things you can do to avoid disastrous consequences. You could say "bread and butter" (WTF?) or cross your fingers until you see a dog, or if you have a bit of time on your hands like I do, walk backwards under the ladder and continue walking backwards until you reach the place you started your walk. That sounds like fun with 3 year old twins.

As you know, I have plenty of time to lie around and read, so I bought a book on the subject - just to see how I could possibly improve my life by following some very bizarre beliefs and found out just how many of them I already follow.

In the spirit of Christmas, and courtesy of Richard Webster's Encyclopedia of Superstitions (2008), here are some Silly Season Superstitions:

Christmas Eve - good time to die, apparently. The Irish, many years ago believed that you could avoid purgatory if you pass away on Christmas Eve. Coincidentally, many people did happen to die on that day - some with a little help from family and friends. In the Dark Ages, only oxen and asses were allowed to remain outside on Christmas Eve. I know a few asses that should stay outside for more than just one day a year.

Christmas Day - good time to be born and is considered very lucky.

This is what my pudding looks like!

Christmas Food - everyone in the family should stir the Christmas pudding. Interestingly, this is one that we do in our house. Anyone who stirs the pudding mixture will have good luck and can make a wish. You will gain a month of luck for every mince pie you eat between December 25 and January 6, guaranteeing you a year of good luck. THIS DOES NOT WORK, FRIENDS. It just guarantees a year of hard-to-shift kilos.

Christmas Decorations - put them away only on January 6. I shudder to think what might happen if you don't. The shops have that worked out, as Valentine's Day decorations are thrust upon us from then.

Christmas Stocking - This is more of a tradition than a superstition. St Nicholas heard of three poor sisters who were prostitutes. He went to visit them one night and threw three pieces of gold down their chimney. The gold landed in their stockings that were drying by the hearth. Bit sus if you ask me.

My older kids, at 12 and 11, are on the edge of believing in Santa and believing that their parents are habitual and annual liars. I think that most of Campbell's friends know what's going on. Campbell and Ella have been interrogating me, searching for the glitch in my tales. I'm a pretty convincing storyteller when it comes to Santa, the Toothfairy, the Easter Bunny and Elmo. What I hope to achieve from my festive lying is to develop an even better lying parent in Campbell - to keep the magic going.

Of course they're not the real Santa. That's one of Santa's helpers who are hand picked by Santa himself to work in shopping centres. Der.

The only thing I don't have answers for is when my child asks "Why can't the poor children get presents, even if they've been so good the whole year?" and "Why did Johnny* get an xBox, a bike and an iPad when he's a bully?" Sometimes not even my skill as Supermum can find all the answers.

Merry Christmas to you all. Touch wood that we all have a safe and healthy one, too.  

Find me on Facebook
Vote for me on Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms 2013